Katie’s Kinky Column: Virgin

People seem to hate the word. Virgin. When asked their thoughts on virginity, many students on campus opted out of giving their opinion. And, honestly, I understand. Throughout high school, I hid any association with being a virgin. It felt wrong. I felt abnormal. And then I got to college, and I realized I was not alone.

I discovered, through friends, a human sexuality course, and a pretty spectacular boyfriend, that the concept of virginity is just that, a concept. A construct. A term made up to be a far bigger deal than it really is.

I blame the expression ‘lost virginity.’

“It’s not something you lose,” MTV News columnist Katherine Speller reiterates. Speller pulls from sources like Dr. Lindesy Doe to explain that virginity is a term that should be used only in reference to never having had sex, not as a word to shame those who are sexually active or to shame those who are not.

Not surprisingly, the students on campus willing to talk felt the same way.

“Who cares if you’re a virgin?!” Shawn, a junior, expressed. “It happens when it happens. And if people are worried about other people’s virginity, then they have too much time on their hands.”

Although many students insisted that they did not care about others being a virgin, there is still a stigma associated with the word.

“I’m not a prude!” Danielle Smith, a junior, says when asked what she associated with virginity. “Just because I’m a virgin doesn’t mean I’m not interested in sex. I just haven’t found the right guy yet.”

Smith continued, “It’s not even like I’m ashamed of it. I’ll tell anyone who asks! Hell, you can even put my name in your article.”

Not everyone feels as confident as Smith, though. When asked their thoughts on virginity, many students on campus turned bright red and refused to say anything. Some explained only that they were uncomfortable being associated with the word, especially in print.

One student, who chose to remain anonymous, felt that virginity equated to innocence, but that it should never be used as a tool for shame.

Type the word ‘virgin’ into a search engine, and the top ten results will be a set of articles discussing the concept of virginity, the anatomy and science behind the hymen—for those that do not know, Planned Parenthood writes that the hymen is thin tissue stretching across the vaginal opening in women, which is typically stretched further open when inter-vaginal sex first occurs—and a long list of articles whose authors regret losing their virginity, are still virgins, or simply have thoughts on why being a virgin is okay.

None of the articles condemn being a virgin. And none of the articles condemn being sexually active.

The average age people first have sex, according to Planned Parenthood, is 17. However, that number is just a number, and a small portion of people. Like another anonymous student from FSU’s campus said, “The most important thing is waiting to have sex until you feel completely comfortable with yourself and partner.”

Kristin Klineburg, an avid reader of online blogging news site Hello Giggles, poured her heart out in an article she submitted about being a virgin at the age of 30.

“Everyone’s lives move at a different speed,” she wrote, reassuring herself and readers that virginity is okay, no matter the age. Klineburg always knew she wanted to save herself for marriage, and she feels that when the right man comes along, she can decide then if she is really ready.

Even on campus there are students choosing to wait for the one person who makes them feel special enough to have sex with.

Elizabeth, a sophomore, says, “I might not wait until marriage, but I will definitely wait until I have the guy in my life that I know I won’t regret having as my first.”

People define sex differently. People have different reasons for having sex or holding off on sex. Whether you wait until marriage or have one partner or many, sex is something that will happen when the time is right, and you are comfortable with and informed about your partner. Above all else, comfort, safety and consent are most important; whether or not you are a virgin, is not.