Tamara Winfrey-Harris: The Black Author, Feminist, Mentor, and Sister We All Need In Our Lives
I had the pleasure of sitting down for lunch with Tamara Winfrey-Harris, author of The Sisters Are Alright: Changing the Broken Narrative of Black Women in America, and writer for The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Ebony, Bitch Magazine, and many others. During this time, instead of keeping the conversation centered around herself, as she was the guest of honor, Winfrey-Harris took the time to get to know myself, Dr. Jennifer Earles of the Sociology Department, and FSU’s Social Marketing Team writer, Rose Gause. While lunch would have been an ideal time to interview Mrs. Winfrey-Harris, it wasn’t until after one of her first events of the day, a writing workshop for Black women (hosted by the Women’s Studies Department), that I interviewed her.
During the writing workshop, Winfrey-Harris read several passages from her book The Sisters Are Alright: Changing the Broken Narrative of Black Women in America, and talked about what they mean and why they are important. In the preface, she declares:
“I love black women, and I want the world to love black women too. It doesn’t, though. I know this in my bones, from forty-five years of black woman being. The world does not love us—at least not in the way black women deserve to be loved—because it doesn’t truly see us. Our authentic collective and individual selves are usually hidden by racist and sexist stereotypes that we can’t seem to shale—or rather, images that other folks wont let us shake.”
She also discussed with me and the many other young Black women that things take time, and there’s nothing wrong with that. She explained that she took three years to write the proposal for her book. As an aspiring writer, that took a huge weight off my shoulders. It’s rather relieving to know that not everything has to happen within a set time frame, especially something as important as a book proposal.
Milam: “What pushed you to host this event?”
Winfrey-Harris: “I was invited here by Dr. Earles to come and lead a writing workshop, and also to talk about Black woman power. So, I want to talk about how we talk about the strength in leadership of Black women, without reducing them to ‘strong Black women.’”
In society, Black women are often categorized as strong Black women, and it’s not a good thing. It is not used in a kind way, but it instead shuts us in a box that means we are not allowed to be vulnerable or sad or anything of the sort. In other articles that discuss the trope of being a strong Black woman, Anita Hill was made to be an example.
While the Ford v. Kavanaugh story is sweeping the nation, CNN commentator Joan Biskupic stated, “I just want to draw a comparison to what we saw with Anita Hill and what we see with Dr. Ford, is that Anita Hill projected strength and control and a real professionalism to match then-Judge Thomas. The vulnerability of this witness is coming through much more. You feel her reliving it. And I think that makes it much harder than what Clarence Thomas faced with Anita Hill, because it was almost an equal ‘he said/she said.’ This time around, the idea that she’s living it almost on a daily basis, the way she talked, I think it’s tougher. Much tougher.”
Writing for The Washington Post, Karen Attiah weighed in on the matter in her article “Christine Ford, Anita Hill and the dangerous myth of the strong black woman.” She pointed out that the allegations made between Ford and Hill were not exactly the same because Hill alleged Thomas of sexual harassment in the workplace, whereas Ford accused Kavanaugh of assaulting her while they were in high school. She continues by saying that Biskupic’s statements show how the stereotype surrounding this idea of the strong Black woman can be used against Black women, stripping us of our vulnerability and right to be protected. Not only this, but the strength Black women are projected to have, makes us an even competitor with the men who abuse and take advantage of us.
Another Black writer for The Washington Post, Vanessa Williams mentioned in her article “Maxine Waters and the burden of the ‘strong black woman’,” that Waters has said herself that she is a strong Black woman. Knowing the meaning and stigma surrounding what it means to be a ‘strong Black woman’, Williams went on to discuss how being that very thing can be draining, both physically and emotionally. She continued saying that this trope pushes African American women and girls to a higher risk of violence and mistreatment by society. Adults see Black girls as less innocent and in need of protection compared to white girls, and that Black girls are disciplined far more harshly in schools and the justice system.
For the black women like myself, who had a hard time dealing with the idea that we had to spend every single second of every day being a superhero, it took a lot of strength come to terms with the fact that we are allowed to cry and feel sad, and be vulnerable, and to be emotionally distraught over traumatic events in our lives. We don’t have to just “suck it up and move on” because yes, life does go on, but there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be in the moment and to relish in the feelings and emotions conjured by that moment.
It is okay to take a day take a day to breathe, as long as we get up and keep going, but at our own paces. My next question for the guest speaker was:
Milam: “Since you’re both a writer and a reader, is there a quote or passage that motivates you to keep pursuing your dreams?”
She responded with, “There are two quotes by Zora Neale-Hurston. One is from “Their Eyes Were Watching God,” when she talks about Black women being the mule of the world. That’s part of what inspired me to write my book because I think that, very often, we are treated that way, and it’s unfortunate. It’s why I do a lot of the writing that I do to counter that narrative. Another
The actual quote by Neale-Hurston goes: “No, I do not weep at the world. I am too busy preparing my oyster knife.”
Winfrey-Harris continued, “Being that, I don’t have time to worry about other people’s views of me. I’m too busy enjoying life and having fun.”
Milam: “When we met for lunch, you talked about how, in reference to what you and I talked about, Black women have to learn to put themselves first. I’m sure you’ll discuss this at your event later, but where do we begin? How do we realize that we aren’t prioritizing ourselves enough and stop it before it’s too late?”
Winfrey-Harris: “I think part of it is reminding ourselves that we are valuable. Very often, we are treated if we are not valuable—we are valuable. We’re valuable for exactly who we are. Also, I know that we all have big hearts, and we have a lot of people who depend on us, and many of us like to help people. However, you can’t help anyone of you can’t save yourself—if you’re broken down, if you’re depressed, if you’re unhealthy. So, not only does our wellbeing rely on us taking better care of ourselves, but the people we care about and who love us, their wellbeing does as well. So, there’s a lot of reason for us to prioritize our needs.”
Milam: “If it does come to a point where we’re already neck-deep in the cesspool, how do we get out of it? How do we become the person who says “no” for our own sake?”
Winfrey-Harris: “I would say surround yourself with awesome people. Awesome people who you can aspire to be, and people who are supportive of you, and people who love you. Don’t surround yourself with people who are negative and people who bring you down. I think Black women need a lot of love and support, and, unfortunately, we don’t always get it. So, I the company of Black women has always been awesome for me and uplifting and inspiring to me.”
Milam: “If it does come to a point where we’re already neck-deep in the cesspool, how do we get out of it? How do we become the person who says “no” for our own sake?”
Winfrey-Harris: “I would say surround yourself with awesome people. Awesome people who you can aspire to be, and people who are supportive of you, and people who love you. Don’t surround yourself with people who are negative and people who bring you down. I think Black women need a lot of love and support, and, unfortunately, we don’t always get it. So, I the company of Black women has always been awesome for me and uplifting and inspiring to me.”
Milam: “In a way, this all seems to tie into self-care. Do you have any routines that you follow? Care to share?”
Winfrey-Harris: “I like . . . I’m an introvert – I like meeting new people and stuff, but after something like this, I just like to retire back to my room and shut in. I love listening to music or I’ll read a book. You know, anything to kind of center myself. I’ve started doing more meditation because I think that helps too. I’m always thinking ahead and thinking of the future, and I have anxiety, so that helps. But I’m really interested in exploring – there’s a presentation that I give sometimes called ‘Sisterhood and Self-Care Will Save Our Lives.’ I’m interested in exploring what self-care looks like for women who don’t have a lot of resources because I think that very often, when we talk about self-care, it’s like, ‘Oh, get your nails done! Go to a spa, get a massage.’ That’s as if everyone has free time, money—all those resources. So, I’m really interested in figuring out ways that under-resourced women can take care of themselves too. Sometimes, it’s just taking a walk and taking some time for yourself.”
Milam: “A lot of problems that can make the mental part of self-care hard to focus on, are societal norms pushed on Black women of all ages, stemming from propaganda. Can you talk more about your book The Sisters Are Alright: Changing the Broken Narrative of Black Women in America?”
Winfrey-Harris: “So, what I did in my book is, I looked at the core stereotypes of Black women, and how they followed us across centuries. Then I interviewed more than a hundred diverse Black women across the country about what our lives are really like. I talked to them about beauty and health, and marriage, and motherhood, and sex, and anger, and all of those things to get a more nuanced picture of our lives. The picture that you get in mainstream discussion is very narrow and not very nuanced.”
Milam: “Can you talk to us about the role Black women play in feminist movements and feminism?”
Winfrey-Harris: “Black women have always been on the forefront of feminism, even if we haven’t called it that. Women like Sojourner Truth were feminists and were leading efforts for Black women; Ida B. Wells, and more recently, the Cohambee River Collective, which I’m going to talk about this evening. In the seventies, Coretta Scott King, Shirley Chism . . . We have always been the forefront of those movements, which is why I always caution—I know a lot of young Black women and older Black women don’t – are scared away from the feminist movement because they see it as being white-centered. But unfortunately, in this country, the world is white-centered. If we throw away things that we’ve played a big part in building, then we throw away everything.”
Milam: “For the Black women who don’t believe in feminism, who don’t consider themselves feminists, and who are uneducated about feminism—do you have any suggestions or advice for them?”
Winfrey-Harris: “Read some Bell-Hooks. I love her. Her “Ain’t I A Woman?” book and “Feminism is for Everybody” – those are two great books. I would say, you don’t have to call yourself a feminist. You don’t have to embrace any label, but I do hope that women will embrace the principals of feminism and learn more about the principals of feminism, even if they choose to call themselves a womanist or something else.”
Milam: “What led you to becoming a feminist?”
Winfrey-Harris: “I think I was raised that way. I mean, I asked my mom because we never explicitly talked about it, but when I asked her, she was like, ‘Of course I’m a feminist.’ And my dad, I think, made sure to raise his daughters too, in a way that was not gendered. I always – my dad always told me I could do whatever I wanted to do, and that’s what I believed. I feel like it was instinctive for me. I would hear very gender-normative things as a kid, sexist things, and I was like, ‘that’s not right.’ And as I got into college and took my first Women’s Studies class and started reading more and learning about the actual principles, I immediately identified and said, ‘this is for me. This makes sense.’”
Milam: “This is off-topic, but since you’re from Indiana, what are your thoughts on Mike Pence?”
Winfrey-Harris laughed and said, “Fellow Hoosier, Mike Pence, is AWFUL. Terrible, terrible, terrible person, who is not good for neither women, nor African American people or African-American women.”
Milam: “For the Black women who are having trouble finding their voices, what are steps they should take towards doing so?”
Winfrey-Harris: “Understanding – it sort of goes back to what I said earlier, about your voice being valuable. I think sometimes, that stops us from speaking because we think we don’t have anything to say, or it’s not going to be good enough. It is good enough. It’s good enough because you said it. So, I encourage all Black women to write, even if you don’t do it for publication or don’t do it for the public. Write, share your voice, and speak out loud because you matter.”
Tamara Winfrey-Harris’s bestselling book The Sisters Are Alright: Changing the Broken Narrative of Black Women in America can be bought at any book retail website online, and can also be purchased in stores. Thank you to Mrs. Winfrey-Harris for the interview, and to Dr. Jennifer Earles for the invite to lunch.
The Author
