The Sun and Shore

James wanders down a windy shore, feeling the spray of an icy sea wet his face. He looks down to the pocket of his jacket and reaches inside to feel the velvet box that lies within. Tears stream down his face as he pulls out the box and opens it one last time. The glitter of the ring was beautiful, but unwanted. He closes the box and raises his fist up, and starts to throw, but he stops. The sunset, with its daunting colors of purple and orange against the blue green sea, is breathtaking, and the clouds are something out of a painting. This stops him from releasing his fist and tossing the box into the wondrous depths of the ocean. His hand falls and he shoves them both into his pockets, thumbing the box. He walks along the shore, head down, wishing that he wasn’t alone. As he walks towards the parking lot, he turns and takes one last look at the place he wishes he could forget. 

As he walks towards what he knows is an empty house, memories flash in front of him as he passes each place they had ever been. Macy’s gorgeous green eyes looking into his at the coffee shop, their first date. Her long blonde hair bouncing as she laughed when they walked from the ice cream shop after he had dropped his cone, their fifth date. The beach, where he put everything on the line and proposed, the glint of the sunset on her beautiful skin when she said yes. The feel of her lips when she kissed him that night. Tears well up in his eyes and he walks quickly past what he knows is too much for him to handle now. As he arrives home, he sees a light and a shadow in his room. His walk becomes a sprint, the January wind piercing his face with needles. He fumbles with his coat as he sprints down the avenue, getting his keys out and ready to push open the door. “Macy!” he yells, as he runs up the stairs to the little bedroom they shared for five long years.

“I just knew you couldn’t leave without saying goodbye,” he says, knowing it’s not true, she could leave if she wanted without saying a word. He slows as realizes that the light is off and his door is shut.  

As he swings the door open, he prays that either she is there, or nothing is there because he wants no reminders. Yet, on the bed lies the wedding dress he saw just an hour ago and a note on top of it:

“My dearest James,

I’m sorry I left, but I just felt that something wasn’t right. I don’t know what it was. Maybe I thought I was ready when I said yes, but once I started to walk down the aisle, all eyes upon my face, my dress and me, I just couldn’t do it. It wasn’t right. I’m sure after what I did, you just wanted to throw everything into the sea and watch it drift away like a nightmare when you awake. I wouldn’t be surprised if the ring was in the bottom of the Pacific right now. I’m going to go and explore myself, find who I’m meant to be in life. I need time, and after today, I’m sure you do too. I still love you James. Just as much I did, but I am just not ready. 

I hope you can forgive me my darling,

Macy”  

The moonlight shines onto the bedazzled white dress, reflecting the moonbeams around the room. The memory of her running up the aisle without him shoots daggers into his heart. He shoves the dress off of the bed as if it were an old shirt and lays on his back. The dress falls into a ball on the floor, but the gems still shine around the room. Looking up at the empty ceiling, he is left with his thoughts. I could have gone with you. We could’ve done this together. You left me in tatters, Macy. James wishes he could just hold her one last time, before she vanishes. He began to cry, once again, feeling his heart tear in his chest. A wound that may never heal. 

——————————————————————————————————————–

James felt his heart would never heal, that he might never love a girl like that ever again. Yet, he sits in a bar with his buddies, laughing like nothing happened. The incident happened about four years ago. They never talk about her or that day. James avoids the beach, but doesn’t really remember why. One of the guys suggests the beach.

“The time is perfect and the sunset looks like it might be amazing” he says.

Logan, James’ best friend from high school, looks at James and shakes his head emphatically from side to side, “No,” he mouths.

James sees Logan’s gestures and rolls his eyes “Let’s go! It’s been years since I’ve gone and I would really like to watch the sunset.” 

Logan tries to get the rest of the guys to agree with him, and most do, “It’s cold James,” “Let’s stay with the booze, warmth, and women!” Even the guy who originally suggested it is backing out. 

“Come on guys, we used to go during the winter all the time! I’m going, with or without you,” James says as he is putting on his gear.

Logan reluctantly follows him, knowing that if he does remember, James will want someone there. The rest of the boys stay where it’s warm and boozy. 

As they walk down the road towards the beach, the cold January air blows against their faces turning them red. Going towards the beach doesn’t help with the horrible chill in the air. They arrive at the beach and sit in the sand, watching in awe as the sky is filled with color. They stay for twenty minutes and not a word about the girl or that day from James. No memory. This comes to Logan as a relief until she shows up. Macy, after four long years, shows up at the beach at the same time that they happen to be there. Of course she would, stupid luck. 

As she starts to open her mouth, Logan runs and covers it. “Macy, don’t do this. You’re not going to break his heart again, I won’t let you,” Logan says in a hushed tone so James doesn’t notice he’s gone. 

“Let me do this Logan,” she muffles through his fingers.

Logan holds firm, he cannot let her do this to him.

James finally notices that Logan is not sitting next to him and calls out, “Logan! You’re missing it.”

Macy takes that cue to force herself past Logan and speak, “Hi James.”

James jumps at the sound of that voice. It couldn’t be. She’s been gone forever. And the likelihood this happens, near impossible. I’ve gotta be imagining things, he thinks to himself, This is why I avoid the beach. He slowly turns to see Macy there, in the flesh, not just in his head as she was for so long. 

He scrambles to stand, backing away, feeling everything flooding back to him. The wedding night, the year and a half of pain and anguish, living in his room for months on end, getting rid of everything slowly but surely to reinvent himself, like she left to do. 

“What are you doing here?” he asks, trembling. It takes everything in him not to just bolt. 

“I told you, well, wrote to you, telling you I wanted us to work. Now I’m here, ready to try again,” she says with a grin on her face and remorse in her eyes. 

James can feel his tears welling up, making it almost impossible to not cry in front of her, but he somehow manages to keep composure.

“No Macy. I can’t do this,” he says, hurting himself knowing it’s safer, “You broke me and everything I was. I had to go on here, paying our rent, returning your wedding dress, living in our house with everything you left there. I’m sorry Macy, but no. You can’t expect everything to return to normal. It’s been four years since you left. No calls, texts, letters…” he trails off as he remembers Jordan, which makes him smile through all the turmoil that just hit him like a ton of bricks.

“Also, I’ve moved on. It took a lot, but she was there for me when I was lost,” He replaces the crazy memory whirlwind he’s having about him and Macy with the memories of him and Jordan. The way she held him when anything popped up, how her kisses felt against his lips, the time she took him to the ice cream shop for the first time in years and he felt normal again.

“I’m sorry Macy, but you left and life went on. It was stuck for a while, but it went on nonetheless,” James looks at Macy and feels nothing. He turns his attention to Logan, still standing there watching. 

“Ready to go?” James asks. Logan nods, clapping him on the back for what just happened, what he just did. They leave Macy in the sand alone, a look of utter confusion and loss on her face.